Wednesday, July 14, 2021

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I am sorry you have been depressed since the birth, where is the baby’s father? He is the one who should be helping you through this time. Also your doctor, you need to let him/her know of your depression and then you will be given the help you need. But please don’t get confused about this. Your 16 year old does not have to support you, or watch your son. She has her own concerns, she probably has exams coming up that could affect her future, she has many concerns at her age that she really needs support in. If you cannot give her this, at least give her the space that she needs, or you will drive her away. She is only 16, and is at a time in her life where she needs support, not the other way around. It must be extremely hard for your daughter to deal with having a crying baby in the house at a time when her education is so important, and also to come to terms with losing the one support that she probably thought she could count on, yours, as her mother.

I recognize that you now have a lot to deal with, with a new baby. But you, and presumably the father, decided to bring a new life into this situation and it is the two of you who need to figure out your new schedule, and how you will make it work. Please realize that it was not your daughter’s decision, she had nothing to do with that, and yet she also is having to deal with this fallout at a time of her life that is so important to her future, and it is impacting her at a level of which you have no idea. I am not saying this to add to your anxiety but so that you can look for help in the right places, and not in the ones that are not appropriate. If she does find she can help at all, be grateful for what she can offer and try not to encroach on time she needs for study. I remember visiting a family once, and as the mom and I were chatting, her teenage daughter brought the baby in and handed her to her mother. The mother immediately thanked her elder daughter for bringing the baby, and asked: ‘did she wake and bother you as you were studying? I’m sorry that happened, thank you for getting her up and bringing her to me.’ There was no expectation that it was the daughter’s job or duty….


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